Just 3 weeks ago. My life was pretty "normal." I had a routine and knew what to expect day in and day out. I was excited for many events in the coming months. After several years of feeling isolated and lacking community back home in Lexington, I finally felt like I had found fellowship within my church family and was looking forward to that continuing to grow. My sister is getting married this summer. I've bought a house and am slowly working towards having it delivered hopefully around the end of April.
Insert coronavirus. What was somewhat of a joke for weeks suddenly has reared its ugly head and changed everything we know about day to day life across the world.
The first few days I was in shock. Waves of anxiety and fear came and went as I cried out to God and experienced prayer without ceasing on a whole 'nother level. I would wake up in a panic attack feeling like a dark cloud had descended over me. The nausea would abate as I drove to the hospital but would come and go throughout the day as I dealt with panic in coworkers and the systems around me. I went to meetings about disaster plans I prayed fervently we never have to use. I felt like I was barely hanging on. The only thing that kept me going into work was knowing my patients were having the worst day of their lives, and none of their loved ones could be there with them. I had to be the hands and feet of Jesus for them. Perhaps I was placed here for such a time as this.
In the midst of this, God reminded me of an experience, a vision from several years ago. I was on a trip to Colorado. One of my friends asked if I wanted to go rock climbing. I've only been outdoor rock climbing a few times, so I leapt at the opportunity. I was the first up on the rock face and was feeling pretty confident until about half way up. I could not find my next step, my next hold. Everything looked sheer. My friend yelled up for me to look just above my left foot and see if I could step up to this spot she saw on the rock so I could grab a larger hold with my hand further up in order to stay on the rock and keep moving. I looked at the "spot" she was referring to. It was more of a slightly rough place in a vertical slab of rock. She had to be crazy; there was no way this was going to work! But I had a rope and a belayer I trusted, so I gave it a try. I didn't really have any other better ideas. I trusted the micro hold with my left foot and made it to my next hold and ultimately made it to the top of the route.
After I came down, we laughed about that tiny hold and talked about how God does that. He asks us to trust a really small hold in order to move forward in our faith in seemingly impossible situations. It seemed like a neat little anecdote, experiential learning piece at the time.
But God reminded me of it as I faced the unknown world last week. For the first 3 days of this lock down, I wrote Isaiah 41:10 on my wrist. That was my hold. "Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Every single time I put on or took off gloves and washed my hands (which is a lot), I recited those words. Since then I've tried to purposely choose a "hold" each day. A simple truth about God to help me keep focused and moving forward amidst the chaos that surrounds me.
One day it was lyrics from a song:
I will not fear for You are with me
I've seen this fight from the victory
No power of hell could stand against me
'Cause I've seen this from the victory,
I've walked around the hospital and up and down stair wells praying that song.
Last Friday, my hold was God as a Provider, Jehovah Jireh, and Philippians 4:19 - And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
As we were going from place to place treating patients around the hospital, we noticed the hand sanitizer smelled different. In fact, it smelled VERY strongly of tequila, like I was washing my hands in a marguerita… without the fruit. There were rumors of a "bourbon" and a "rum" hand sanitizer on other floors. Word quickly got around and our boss ended up sending us a text. Apparently, due to shortages, our refill hand sanitizer was being made in the pharmacy and in local distilleries, so yes, it did smell like tequila and bourbon! Jehovah Jireh indeed! And it came with a good laugh, which we all needed.
In the end, I know beyond a doubt that God can and will work all things for the good of those who love him. I know that what was intended for harm, God meant for good. I can't see that part of this story yet, so I'll just keep grabbing on to the micro holds until I get to the vista, clinging to what I know is true of God's character, praising and thanking Him along the way.
No comments:
Post a Comment